[This Movie Treatment Royally Copyrighted by Rich]
We see a black guy who’s like totally street but also non-threatening (think white audiences) talking to his girlfriend who’s like way better looking than what he would date in real life (what is it about black dudes dating fat black chicks? I see that on the subway all the time) and she’s like not liking him right now, he’s fucked up for the last time and she’s mad so she leaves and he’s all sad so he goes home to his empty apartment and [some kind of humorous pet-like a monkey but something a black dude would have] and oh yeah, some homeless dude gives him like drugs or a contraption or something and when he gets home he decides to use it or forgets to turn it off or something and he falls asleep and smoke comes out of it and he time travels to Oldy Times where there were only white people with funny accents. And his pet goes too but does funny things like go “Uh oh” and hide his face when shits about to happen.
He wakes up and it’s Europe and people have on puffy clothes and he’s like non-believing it so he thinks it’s a dream and gets in trouble because he doesn’t believe it’s real. So he gets taken to a dungeon but not before seeing the princess who, even though everyone is white, she’s like ambiguously racial like Lisa Bonet or Mariah Carey (make it believable!!!). And the prince doesn’t like that they see each other because he’s going to marry the princess and it’s all arranged and the big wedding is next week. (The prince is TOTALLY white. Like stick up the butt and all.)
So the black guy breaks out of the dungeon with the help of some medieval nerds who lack self esteem (get a nearly famous comedian to play one of them or maybe two) and his pet who brings him the keys from some guard who is sleeping. They go back to a barn or something and the black guy has some funny musical montages learning to use medieval stuff like bows and arrows and axes and joust poles and stuff and he dresses in renaissance puffy clothes but keeps it street (like everything’s Bob Marley colors and he has a big gold chain and poses with his arms crossed).
So then he breaks into the castle and the princess and he fall in love in her bedroom but then he has to run out early in the morning and the way he gets out of the castle is funny (falls in a hedgerow or something) and he barely makes it out but then he knows he has to stop the wedding.
So he goes back to the barn and draws on all his 2005 street knowledge and he teaches his renaissance friends some street stuff and they get self-esteem and they go to the wedding and one graffitis on the wall and everyone at the wedding is like WHAAA??? because no one has ever done that in history before and another one distracts the guards by dribbling a basketball (made out of medieval materials) and the black guy comes in on a low rider mule all pimped out (check with animal people about cutting mules legs off – cruel?). Then he gets in a duel with the prince and the prince tries to cheat but the black guy wins because all the guards are smoking medieval weed that the black guy collected back at the barn. And his pet gets in a fight with the princes’s parrot and wins too and we all hate the parrot because he’s been a prick the whole movie.
Then he and the princess kiss but he falls and hits his head and then he’s back in the present day and his real 2005 girlfriend is yelling at him and he leaves and he’s sad and sad music is playing and he goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken on the corner and the chick at the drive thru is TOTALLY THE PRINCESS!!!!!! So he orders like gruel or something totally Oldy Timey. And she doesn’t know she’s the princess but she’s all cool and we’re like, okay, maybe it happened or maybe it didn’t, we don’t know but we do know that black guy is going to be totally tapping that ass for like years to come so what does it matter?
And then the medieval nerds show up too but like as janitors or something or well-meaning bums, like it’s the Wizard of Oz. Maybe we saw a little of them at the beginning of the movie too.
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