the Kingdom of Leisure

MIDDLESPACE - the space between

So, I am routinely bombarded with "funny" forwarded e-mailings (from "friends"). For some reason people think I find this stuff amusing. Sadly, sometimes I do. Often, I delete these messages before even I read it. I cannot summon the words to ask well meaning people to stop sending them.

Today, I received: "things youd love to say at work but can't" [sic]. You know the kind:

>7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
>15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
>25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

But, one I found particularly poignant and thought provoking for some odd reason; one that sums up my experience is:

>38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

How interesting. You never know what route inspiration will take. What the hell is career?

Career: The general course or progression of one's working life or one's professional achievements.

We've been somehow trained to find one thing in our lives, focus on that and do it forever. No diversity, no change. In some corners of our culture it's still admirable to work for the same organization until retirement. Loyalty is a virtue - then we die. We should all have careers and be professional, right? We can be career professionals. That's what I will tell people I "do" when I am asked, "so, what do you do?" I am a career professional! My college major was: Professional Careerism.

Professional: Engaging in a given activity as a source of livelihood or as a career.

I am sitting here because they pay me to sit here.

All I want to really do is make things. Call it art or a calling or my passion, but I just want to spend most of my time making things. I want to make more records - recordings with sounds and songs, I want to take photographs. I want to paint, film things and built odd or useful objects. I want to integrate all medium while ignoring the conventions and cliches of medium. I want to write. I want to juxtapose. I want to think.

In return, I am not really interested in selling any of it or really having much exposure. I know enough people that may or may not enjoy my work. I know enough people to push it on. Most people won't get it anyway. Uh, the questions, "what does it mean?" Hell if I know. What does your nose mean? I just want to do what is already trying to squeeze from my fingers and from my head. It's like breathing...what does breathing mean? Ask yourself what does meaning mean.

Okay, for the first time I will tell everyone what it all means. Simultaneously, it means everything while meaning absolutely nothing. I am not a career professional in reality interpretation. It means what it means...to you. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I want time. Like fire, we've done a good taming of time; but it is still wild and dangerous when inclined to it's true, feral nature. Where does it go?

Time is my fire.

Thank you for your time.


>>ty.hardaway