the Kingdom of Leisure

Babadoo: Hey Whabadoo?

Whabadoo: What is it Babadoo?

Babadoo: I'm tryin' to figures something out.

Whabadoo: What is it Babadoo? Jello?

Babadoo: No, not Jello, but you got a point...flavored cow bones, chick rasslin' in it and shit. Fucking weird. But no, it's the PEDs I'm confused about Whabadoo.

Whabadoo: You mean PEZ Babadoo. Remember that dispenser I had, looked like Nicole Simpson? Not right, huh?

Babadoo: No, PEDs, Performance-Enhancing Drugs Whabadoo.

Whabadoo: What's so confusing 'bout that? It's cheating pure and simple. 'Roids is bad, that's that. Even got a big ass Congressional Probe to put a stop to it. Besides, I hear they shrink your nads. Makes ballplayers RAGE and fight the audience and stuff.

Babadoo: Can't be Whabadoo - Arnold ran for Governor so they can't be all that small. Did you actually say "nads" Whabadoo? "Nads?" What, you gonna use "wuss" next?

Whabadoo: Yeah, that took big nads. You got a point there...wuss!

Babadoo: Besides Whabadoo, I'm not even talking about the 'roids. I'm talking bout Marijuana. Name one great artist, architect, poet, writer or musician who's performance wasn't enhanced by that drug? Shit, we wouldn't even HAVE jazz or tripgrass without it. Were they cheaters Whabadoo? And maybe there should be an asterisk by Van Gogh's name for using opium. That sure enhanced his (or her) performance as a painter. And, what about the old school ballers like Wilt and Bill Walton. John Wooden let Bill Walton smoke up because he knew it let him play better, more fluid.

Whabadoo: An asterisk by his name? Where? What are you going on about Babadoo? Maybe they should call themselves, Phish* or Led Zeppelin* or maybe even William Shakespeare*? How 'bout this: Jesus*! Click this link, Bab.

Babadoo: Or what about the millions of people who take Prozacs who perform better at work and in their relationships because they don't want to die no more? Is that cheatin' Whabadoo? Jimmy didn't beat his wife, but we are forced to put an asterisk by his behavioral performance today.

Whabadoo: You get the point. And then there's Viager - it enhances ole daddy's "performance" from what I can hear - talk about "cheating on your wife." And I take Ginko Biloba and some multi-vitimins and a tramadol or two. And the Egyptians ate lotus flowers, probably did something for them, those fucking cheaters! Let's get a Congressional Probe to see if the Egyptians cheated when they built the pyramids! Should I get a discount because the guys that installed my carpet were a bit high? What about Otto?

Babadoo: Yeah, now you see why I'm confused Whabadoo. Nicole Simpson and pez? That ain't right.

Whabadoo: Maybe...the asterisk can become the new universal symbol for PEDs. That way, we bring all the cheaters out into the open. How 'bout that, Babadoo*?

Whabadoo*: Well? How 'bout that, Babadoo*?