I Just Don't Know

I really wanted to pen some words
To describe what I'm feeling right now
Because sometimes it's a little easier to write
Than find the time – the moments to
Adequately convey all the things in my head

But fatigue, confusion, and circumstance
prevents me from focusing intently on
"flowering lotuses" and "warm spring winds" and
Things symbolic of love, connection, and optimism
I seem never confident enough to transmit these feelings

Most significantly I suppose is this, as you know:
Often I just want to sit next to you; near to you
and listen to you, to smell you and occasionally just
reach over to touch you with purpose and care
To know you are there and with me, in ways…

Because I now understand that
If I were blind your voice would guide
If I were deaf your eyes would enlighten
If I were dying your spirit would calm
If…only fucking if…we were free

But, I am too tired for lexis now
Nor, I cannot find respite directly
So, I take great comfort however
in being with you so closely and intensely
Even if sometimes only in my mind