Cell Phone Minutes - a collective enterprise
[Warning: Not for kiddies or those with weak GI systems]
[Office Guy #2 enters elevator]
Office Guy #1: How about this rain?
Office Guy #2:Yeah.
#1: If it keeps up, I'm gonna build an ark.
#2: Tss.
[Short pause]
#1: They say it's gonna be like this until the middle of next month.
#2: Oh yeah.
#1: That's not right…must be global warming or something.
#2: Yeah…know what they say about March? It comes in like a...
#1: Comes in like a lion; goes out like a lamb.
#2: Ha! The lion must have ate the lamb.
#1: Or had more lions.
#2: Or, how 'bout this: maybe the lion fucked the lamb silly, all doggy style, or would that be lion-lamby style?
[Silence]
#2: Or, how 'bout this: maybe the lamb and the lion are in an elevator talking about the fucking weather like a couple of Simpletons and the lamb pulls out a switchblade and cut the lion's throat then just casually as the goddamn day is long got off on his office tower floor like nothing ever happened and left the lion bleeding on the floor for someone else to talk about the fucking weather with? How 'bout that? Ha-ha! That's fucking funny as hell!
#1 Uh, yeah. How 'bout the Raiders, huh? Problems with the quarterback…
#3: I took a shit this morning and didn't flush the toilet and took a shower and when I looked in the toilet after my shower my shit looked like a pussy so I fucked it. Just arched my back a whole lot and stuck my dick in the toilet and fucked it like mashed potatoes.
[Awkward silence]
#1: When you're fucking shit, do you have the same problem I have? How do you keep it from falling apart?
#2: Duct tape.
#1: Mashed potatoes too?
Office Guy #3: Yeah, duct tape.
[#1 exits elevator]
#3: Duh!
#2: He's never fucked a shit in his life.
#3: I know, but he will today, I wish I owned a duct tape store.
#2: Stupid shit fuckin' virgin...
#3: I didn't want to say this in front of him because I didn't want him to think I was weird, but I wasn't actually fucking shit. We'll, I was, but my girlfriend's aborted fetus was underneath the shit and she had forgotten to flush it before she took her shower. So I was fucking a dead fetus THROUGH shit.
#2: That's what I figured.
[Pause]
#2: How many minutes do you get on your calling plan?
[Exit elevator]
#3: Oh, I get 500 minutes plus a free phone every two years. I got this bitchin’ camera and video phone. Wanna see a phone-video of me fucking a dead fetus through shit?
[Pause]
#2: Uh, sure, what the hell...
[End]
Office Guy #1: How about this rain?
Office Guy #2:Yeah.
#1: If it keeps up, I'm gonna build an ark.
#2: Tss.
[Short pause]
#1: They say it's gonna be like this until the middle of next month.
#2: Oh yeah.
#1: That's not right…must be global warming or something.
#2: Yeah…know what they say about March? It comes in like a...
#1: Comes in like a lion; goes out like a lamb.
#2: Ha! The lion must have ate the lamb.
#1: Or had more lions.
#2: Or, how 'bout this: maybe the lion fucked the lamb silly, all doggy style, or would that be lion-lamby style?
[Silence]
#2: Or, how 'bout this: maybe the lamb and the lion are in an elevator talking about the fucking weather like a couple of Simpletons and the lamb pulls out a switchblade and cut the lion's throat then just casually as the goddamn day is long got off on his office tower floor like nothing ever happened and left the lion bleeding on the floor for someone else to talk about the fucking weather with? How 'bout that? Ha-ha! That's fucking funny as hell!
#1 Uh, yeah. How 'bout the Raiders, huh? Problems with the quarterback…
#3: I took a shit this morning and didn't flush the toilet and took a shower and when I looked in the toilet after my shower my shit looked like a pussy so I fucked it. Just arched my back a whole lot and stuck my dick in the toilet and fucked it like mashed potatoes.
[Awkward silence]
#1: When you're fucking shit, do you have the same problem I have? How do you keep it from falling apart?
#2: Duct tape.
#1: Mashed potatoes too?
Office Guy #3: Yeah, duct tape.
[#1 exits elevator]
#3: Duh!
#2: He's never fucked a shit in his life.
#3: I know, but he will today, I wish I owned a duct tape store.
#2: Stupid shit fuckin' virgin...
#3: I didn't want to say this in front of him because I didn't want him to think I was weird, but I wasn't actually fucking shit. We'll, I was, but my girlfriend's aborted fetus was underneath the shit and she had forgotten to flush it before she took her shower. So I was fucking a dead fetus THROUGH shit.
#2: That's what I figured.
[Pause]
#2: How many minutes do you get on your calling plan?
[Exit elevator]
#3: Oh, I get 500 minutes plus a free phone every two years. I got this bitchin’ camera and video phone. Wanna see a phone-video of me fucking a dead fetus through shit?
[Pause]
#2: Uh, sure, what the hell...
[End]
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