Today's Who Fucking Cares? List (by Otter Prince)

Too classic to not post:

1) Should we be playing the World Series in late October?

Who fucking cares? It's baseball. You play it outdoors. If you held it in July you'd still risk rain outs. So it's cold. Boo hoo. Tell that to the Green Bay Packers. Sack up and play it in the snow. Unless your built an All-Eskimo team, cold weather doesn't give an advantage to one franchise over the other.

2) Should the BCS be replaced by a college football playoff?

Who fucking cares? It's college football. It's about getting drunk at 11AM, screaming obscenities at uniforms and helmets, going back to your dormroom, fucking with half your clothes on, passing out, and getting up for macaroni and green beans at the dining hall before getting drunk again. What college football is NOT about is this fat, lazy alumni RV culture that makes Cornhusker Stadium the third largest city in Nebraska 6 times a year.

Why do we need a fully bonded and certified national college football champion? If we have a 4-team playoff, people are going to bitch about who gets slots 3 and 4 and who got shut out at 5 and 6. If we have an 8-team playoff, people are going to bitch about slots 7 and 8 and who got shut out at 9 and 10. And so on. Eventually, people are going to be asking should we be playing college football in February? Who fucking cares?

3) Should we be cloning people?

Who fucking cares? The miracle of life is so mind-fuckingly awesome and unknowable that it's not going to make a fuck of a difference if it begins in a petri dish or with identical genetic matter. I've known enough identical twins to know that they perceive the world differently from each other, contribute to the world differently from each other, and live differently from each other. Despite sharing 100% genetic code. The point is, when people think of cloning, they think of bald, eggheaded people emerging fully formed from teleporters in some Star Trek/Isaac Asimov fantasy. People think cloning means slavery, like you get to own the clones. Or that all clones get inserted with The Sinister Gene and some guy in a volcano controls them with a giant TeeVee set. I'm against slavery. (There, I said it.) And I'm opposed to dudes in volcanoes controlling shit with their giant TeeVee set. But that's not what were talking about when we talk about cloning. Taken to it's logical extreme, cloning could lead to some fucked up shit. But guess what? Taken to it's logical extreme, drinking orange juice can lead to some fucked up shit too. People all lying around drinking OJ all day, not working, pissing neon until their pancreas fails, neglected babies suckling on discarded orange rinds, and our citrus overlords planting every available scrap of land with orange trees. I don't want that, but I don't live in fear of it either. For the most part, you're not going to know if someone's a clone and you're not going to care. A warm body is a warm body. Hey, your mom's like 58 and she's still hot? So I got that coming to me? Suh-weet.

Who fucking cares?