From the professor of social work in San Diego:
The interesting thing about the scene you describe is the fact that these are stay-at-home types. Now there’s nothing inherently interesting about SAHs; however, one might conclude the children of SAHs would be better behaved given these moms are home all day and should be teaching their children things like manners, listening skills, etc. Ill mannered children come from all types, but there seems to be a disproportionate number born to women who choose to be SAHs.Oh, yeah, they are bored. You can tell. You can see it in the eyes. Bored and desperate to the point of being frightened. Unfortunately, cushy lifestyle, low crime, virtual access, and the minivan create large pockets of elective isolation. People live within the walls of their McMansion, Honda ™ Oddyssey ™ minivan, and of My Gym ™ playspace.
Here’s my take:
1) Most SAHs who reside in the cushy suburbs we call home are college educated and many have graduate degrees; thus, they’re relatively intelligent
2) They feel trading their careers for mommy-hood is essential because childcare is detrimental to children (remember, I said they were relatively intelligent)
3) After the honeymoon period of staying at home is over, they realize they’ve become carbon copies of the 1950s June Cleaver America—except they have access to internet shopping, Mommy and Me, baby gymnastics, and play dates
4) Once little Jimmy is 2 or 3, they begin to regret their decision because they’re bored (remember, they’re educated) and they long for daily doses of adult conversation and companionship
5) Starbucks (or any other ubiquitous 21st century chain) becomes their version of the workplace; it’s a metaphor for the office water cooler, break room, or convenient first-floor snack shop
6) It is within the Starbucks environment that selfish desires to congregate and converse with other adults overshadow parenting and we observe the behavior of unsupervised little children. It doesn’t matter that their conversations are slightly less vapid than your average teenage girl.
-MR, Ph.D.
Why are they scared? They've heard that crime lurks out there (especially in "the city!"). They're smart enough to realize that the sociopath they voted for has help enact decisions (and legislation) that will probably prematurely end the lives of their children. They don't see their spouses any more and that new receptionist is single and hasn't even considered children. They cannot conceive "what's next?"
So, shit yeah, when they can gather at a safe, familiar, comfortable "third place" like Starbucks ™ or Barnes & Noble ™ or Gymboree ™, who has time to watch kids? It's one of the only opportunities to share notes between pick-ups, drop-0ffs, snacks, laundry, cooking, and nap time.
It may not be the depression, the meds to ward off depression, or simply ill manners. It might be the sheer desperation for human, adult, safe, familiar, comfortable conversation that results in monsterism in public. These pockets of SAHs ™ are analogous to the chain franchises they congregate: similar, generic, sometimes vapid, and easy to quickly understand. We've chosen as a society to compress our existence to the point where all highs and lows are removed in favor of comfort, efficiency, and isolation.
And with the boredom, I believe the professor is right, the resentment is thick. I gave up everything to do this?! To wit:
"Marshall's salary was substantially larger than the salary earned by Joyce, who had twice changed careers and had twice interrupted them to give birth."Bored. Insulted. Trapped. And, scared. Damn, I should have more empathy.
From: Ken Kalfus' A Disorder Peculiar to the Country
This is why people no longer comprehend war (too icky) but will talk for days about celebrity dating (it's important!). I'm guessing here, but I'm starting to understand who the people are who are actually frightened by "war on terror," "threat level," and "immigration."
Our leadership has failed us. We no longer educate. We have frightened all the sheep back into the pens. Comfort and effectiveness now trumps depth, breadth, insight, logic, or context.
Maybe, I shouldn't have more empathy.
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