Thursday
[Chapter Break for Ask Ty...February 27]
***BREAK***
Q: Why isn't Mike Tyson dead yet?
- Rickey Powell, Modesto, CA
Ty: Good question and an even better observation.
Ahhh, The Dynamite Kid, the Baddest Man on the Planet, the Eater of Babies. I actually know the answer to this one though. In fact this a very easy question to answer. I didn't have to think long and hard at all. The reason Mighty Mike Tyson is not dead despite a life of very, very bad decisions is that Mikey Fists...is black.
Whaaat?!
I know, you're all, hey-hey Ty, how can you say something like that? I know, heavy news huh? Iron Mike Tyson is black. And since we all know that black people 1) don't swim, and 2) absolutely hate the ocean, we can safely and scientifically conclude that Mike Tyson is still alive because Mike Tyson doesn't swim in the ocean. Duh! Same with Sly Stone, Rickey Henderson, and Alan Keyes.
See:
[clicky, scroll down to chapter 9 and select "Read this Chapter!"]
Just a guess.
***BACK***
Wednesday
Tuesday
End of AKD Chapter Break
Chapter Two Follows
Welcome to Book Four/Chapter Two - Deliberate
No crap
No junk
No whining
Best Blog Ever (this week)
See the following blog, will ya?:
Alls I'm going to say is this: Growing up all "mixed-race" and in affluent majority white communities not only have I seen all of this, but I can with all the ease in the world say, it's so goddamn true. And, it makes me laugh my ass off. Read it! And, don't forget the comments (bye-bye ass).
I'll highlight the following (select link for full text) but it's all funny as hell:
Alls I'm going to say is this: Growing up all "mixed-race" and in affluent majority white communities not only have I seen all of this, but I can with all the ease in the world say, it's so goddamn true. And, it makes me laugh my ass off. Read it! And, don't forget the comments (bye-bye ass).
I'll highlight the following (select link for full text) but it's all funny as hell:
#62 Knowing what’s best for poor people
White people spend a lot of time of worrying about poor people. It takes up a pretty significant portion of their day.#53 Dogs
White people love dogs on an entirely different level. It should be understood that in white culture, dogs are considered training for having children. That is to say that any white couple must get a dog before they have kids.#17 Hating their parents
This topic ties into a number of other posts, but there is no denying that white people hate their parents. What is amazing, is that as a white parent, there is nothing you can do to prevent this.#12 Non-Profit Organizations
It is a known fact that white people make up 95% of non-profit organizations. They can’t get enough of them.#9 Making you feel bad about not going outside
White people love to be outside. But not everyone knows that another thing they like to do is make people feel bad for wanting to watch sports on TV or play videogames. While it would be easy to get angry at white people for this, remember it is hard wired in their head that the greatest thing a person can do in their free time is to hike/walk/bike outdoors.
Funny
Oh Danny Boy in Massachusetts sent this reply to me about political demographics and polling (goddamn asshole politics) with specific regard to which Democratic candidates are getting which type of voters.
Dan's line:
This is funny too, from Rickey Powell:
Funny.
Dan's line:
"Key line: White women remain a Clinton stronghold. So Obama needs to go out and cry, "Where the white women at?" That's what I'd advise."That's funny on several dimensions. Visualize it, okay?
This is funny too, from Rickey Powell:
"I'll send him a Code Pink enrollment form and give him a piss bucket so he can go sit up in a tree."Context? You don't need a context, you want a context. But that's just you being selfish. Stop it! Step back and read it again; savor it: "I'll send him a Code Pink enrollment form and give him a piss bucket so he can go sit up in a tree." See? What context did you believe you needed?
Funny.
Never Gets Old
"Photographers everywhere love to take a beautiful picture. I love to take a confusing picture, only more so if it confuses me and I can't tear it up in a couple of seconds. Collectively we have active photographic minds, so if an image survives both of us looking at, it lives on for a while. And if it doesn't, if we have an idea of what "kind" of image it is, we sometimes love it anyway.
The arts have a long relationship with appreciating what can't immediately be dissected; it seeks out little hiding places, open places, where something is seen or felt beyond what can be said. You make something new when you feel you understand completely what you've already made. Images of sex and beauty and experience provide either excitement or empathy that doesn't let the mind settle or be satisfied. Making them never gets old, in whatever circumstance with whatever cheap or expensive or priceless camera, and they're pretty to look at."
- Rose and/or Olive
Ask Ty...February 26
"With regard to your "The End of The Politics" post, since you're shutting down the D.C. Keen Machine why not go out with a bang? That is, who do you see riding shotgun with Obama down the stretch (Jesse Jackson, or better yet, Hunter S. Thompson (RIP), or maybe Charles Barkley as VP)? The list goes on and on.Good question and an even better observation.
I also think we have strayed away from "The Musings of The Prophet." That is, what possible self-destructive implosions could come our way in October (Sex,drugs and rock and roll)? Remember Ronald Reagan bartered for the American hostages in Tehran in October of his successful election run (in which then CIA director George H.W. Bush made a sweet deal NOT to release the hostages until after the election). I think it is commonly refered to as the October Surprise or something like that. What can we expect as an October surprise."
- CK
Listen up: People, this is it! I'm shutting down this so-called D.C. Keen Machine [<-- I just really wanted to write that. Sweet, huh?]. Politics is a retarded waste of time. Let's not talk about it anymore except to point at and laugh at our political leaders and their brainwashed followers (it's a lot like religion in that way). People still listen to and count on the "pundits." Wonks follow the "polls" with sacred fervor. Sides are drawn and trenches dug in this contrived stale-ass Red vs. Blue state "war." What-ever. It's old and stale. Move on. I'm over it. But, I'll grant America's tender youth two more quick glimpses into my crystal ball. No guarantees though. The crystal ball is over politics too - didn't even catch the Fred Armisen thing. But, here goes:
The Obama VP Choice:
At this time it looks like Ms. Hillary Diane Rodham is toast as far as her campaign is concerned unless there is a juicy April Surprise.
While the choices for Barry Oh!® of Jesse Jackson, Hunter S. Thompson, or Charles Barkley are certainly quite good, I don't think Obama is going to pick the old-politics of brother Jesse or a dead speed freak called Gonzo. Neither one carries that many votes nor overtly helps the Barack campaign in a significant manner. On the other hand, Charles Barkley (however) would basically guarantee an Obama win. Everybody loves Charles Barkley and since Barkley's a Republican there's that whole cross-aisle thing (bi-racial & bi-partisan). But, c'mon? That's not going to happen because Chuck ain't gonna take the number two slot. But who is?
Rahm Emanuel? Yeah, that name's been floated. Too partisan though. Plus Obama and Rahm? Why not run Osama and Saddam for the executive branch (remember the Sore-Loserman posters?)? Why not just rename Air Force One, United 175? [too soon?] Rahm's out or that real liberal Johnny-boy
Evan Bayh? Eh, well, you don't get any more plain vanilla whitebread as Senator Birch Evans "Evan" Bayh III, do ya'? But, two senators...and one from Indiana? Illinois and Indiana? Besides, Evan's on Hillary Diane's team/ticket. Evan is out. Booorringgzzzzzzzz....
If Barack really wants to win, if Barry really needs to win -- not a here's-the-best-policy-for-America win, but a kick ass - take names finger-pointing kind of ass-kicking -- he should run with George Clooney.
Crazy? Naw! George is all about Darfur, the environment, he's Oprah's friend. It's a guaranteed photo-op skip down victory lane. If Arnold "The Terminator" Black Plowman can win in Kallyforneeya, then George Clooney will look like George Washington.
If Barack wants a nice, safe, cute win, he could run with our boy Al "Fat Daddy" Gore or some state carrying governor like Ted Strickland (OH). But, blech, why bother? Go for glamor, Barry. Go for history. Go for the gusto, Schlitz: Obama-Clooney!
The October Surprise:
I see that Fox viewers are being invited to entertain the notion of a Black Genius Camp where young Afro-brainiacs are busy plotting world domination. What, that's not a big enough surprise? Deval Patrick? Corey Booker? Barack Obama? Look at the data, folks. It's a conspiracy!
But, really, and let me make this perfectly clear. If that troll Bill Richardson can have a "zipper problem, " if that Elmer Fudd looking MF Johnny-boy McCain can have a huge problem with the buxom blonds, then how on earth can the young, sexy, articulate, beautiful, charismatic Barry Oh!® have absolutely nothing hanging from his wiener? Please?! The October Surprise will be a fucking parade of bimbos, himbos, and other assorted meat-poleiacs. Do not for one minute believe that Barack Obama's penis will not make a significant cameo in this presidential campaign. Remember, the Swift-boating operatives even dragged that Ogre John "Reporting for Duty" Kerry's limp member into the 2004 election. Only problem, no one believed it for one second (that's how weak of a candidate he was). Easier to believe he's French.
Just a guess.
Now, weather and sports.
Monday
Out of the Politics - Update
This will be my last regular* "politics" posting. Why? Politics is stupid.
Why are politics stupid, Ty?
Politics is retarded because:
* I do reserve the right to chime back in. Because I can.
Why are politics stupid, Ty?
Politics is retarded because:
1) Ralph Nader is back and people actually give a shit? I mean, huh, newspapers actually printed this as "news"? It's asinine. That's what it is. Go away Ralph Nader. Go away all of yuns. Gimme back my America.Bye bye politics. Hope Huckabee wins because I really don't care anymore.
2) SNL gave Fred Armisen the Barack Obama role. Uh? Whaaa?! Maybe I'm crazy but...ah, forget the platitudes. Fuck you NBC/SNL/GE/Lorne Michaels. Whatever! No wonder nobody watches that show (and Armisen wasn't funny either).
3) Y'all's just too slow. What, the NYT just figure this one out?
Poll Shows Obama Is Seen as More Likely to Beat McCain
Took you long enough.
* I do reserve the right to chime back in. Because I can.
Small Art (simultaneous)
{Play Simultaneously}
start this one first.
start this one when the one above is at about 17 seconds.
And here's the still:
You sync so I don't have to. Play to any Cornershop.
You sync so I don't have to. Play to any Cornershop.
Sunday
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