Q: Why isn't Mike Tyson dead yet?
- Rickey Powell, Modesto, CA
Ty: Good question and an even better observation.
Ahhh, The Dynamite Kid, the Baddest Man on the Planet, the Eater of Babies. I actually know the answer to this one though. In fact this a very easy question to answer. I didn't have to think long and hard at all. The reason Mighty Mike Tyson is not dead despite a life of very, very bad decisions is that Mikey Fists...is black.
Whaaat?!
I know, you're all, hey-hey Ty, how can you say something like that? I know, heavy news huh? Iron Mike Tyson is black. And since we all know that black people 1) don't swim, and 2) absolutely hate the ocean, we can safely and scientifically conclude that Mike Tyson is still alive because Mike Tyson doesn't swim in the ocean. Duh! Same with Sly Stone, Rickey Henderson, and Alan Keyes.
See:
[clicky, scroll down to chapter 9 and select "Read this Chapter!"]
Just a guess.
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