But, then after searching for and reading about "art grants" and other "funding sources for art" to pay for some of these ideas, I completely fizzled out. Since I'm terrible at both selling art and selling services I figured that I'd go begging for money to do stuff. But after reading and pondering 30-page applications that contained stuff like the four tiny points below, I lost all energy.
What to SubmitReally? Still using the semi-colon in numbered/bulleted points? You could've gotten quite fancy and put a comma after the "and" in point 3 you know? In that order, huh? What is this an application for 1950s money? Should I mention that I'm planting a garden to celebrate Eisenhower's birthday? Maybe I can borrow Hunter S. Thompson's typewriter. Mind the margins!
Applicants for Grants for Creation of New Work must submit the following, with each set collated in the order shown:
1. One original signed in blue or red ink and six copies of page 9;
2. Seven copies of application pages 10-14;
3. Seven copies of Budget Notes, if any; and
4. Work Sample and Support Materials (see instructions on page 14 and pages 29-30).
Using no more than two single-spaced typed pages, describe the project you are proposing. Be sure to respond to each of the questions listed below. (Please use type that is 11 pt. or larger Arial or Helvetica. Please maintain at least a 1” margin on all sides.)
1. WHAT: Provide a detailed description of the project you are proposing.
2. WHY: Why is this project different from your current work?
3. WHEN: What are the dates or time line for the proposed project?
4. WHERE: Where will your proposed project take place?
5. WHO: State either that this project involves only you or, if other people are involved, describe how they will participate.
6. HOW: Describe the steps you have taken to develop this proposed project.
So basically the people who magically "win" these projects are secretaries and Administrative Assistants. I know a million fucking artists (and I mean real artists not people who fucking think they make art and have no idea that both their ideas and execution are ass) and cannot for the life of me think of one single self-respecting person who would spend one second on this bullshit (myself included). Not that they'd eat out of the garbage (some would) but the creative mind doesn't work this way. Not close. No wonder so much public and sponsored art is so terrible.
I have an idea why don't you take you grant money and pay for my elective lobotomy. How's that for a conceptual project? Art. Art. Art?
So, if I do decide to type-for-monies, I'll post it here because I'm certain I can make the application itself a conceptual project while adhering to the rigid requirements.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
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