Credit Cards

So when I was in Connecticut I went to the pet store with my friend and her credit card was declined for like a $50 purchase. She was pissed. Not just that the card was declined--an embarrassing transaction--but that it was the second time it had happened. At that store. Somehow "pet owner" was not in her computerized profile and the card carrier killed it for that purchase. You know, because she was going to rip off a credit card company for a leash and a collar. Oh, she's only owned purebred German shepherds and horses for her entire adult life. She's 40. Her balance on her $15,000 limit account? Like thirty bucks.

Pissed! She was so pissed. She called the card company right there outside of the pet store. She was all, "So is this how it's going to work with you [mopes]? You're going to decline every purchase and I'm going to have to call you from the store to justify each purchase? I don't think so!" She bitched them a new one, albeit very professionally (I would have been a huge dick). She threatened to close her account and everything (I would have closed it). Then she did something so huge, I only wish I could remember it if it ever happens to me. With the card representative (supervisor probably in India--my friend kept saying, "I don't understand what you're saying") on the phone she walked back into the store and bought like a dollar-twenty dog treat with that card to ensure it went through and, of course, to save some face from the humiliation of having a card declined. Pissed! I, on the other hand, would have one-upped her and after the $1.20 purchased would have closed the account right there. Fuck you, credit card company. Mark would have gone apeshit (much worse than with Verizon)!

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This morning I was doing some writing and listening to loud headphone music when I noticed there was an extra voice coming into my head. Oh, the answering machine was saying something. Citibank on the phone.

The nice CitiCard representative (American--I understood every word) was calling from the Card Security Department or some shit. Turns out, my Diamond Preferred Rewards card has been "compromised!" Wow! Compromised! That's never happened to me before. I was so excited. She listed a few purchases and I confirmed them (Starbucks, Metro, pharmacy). Then, even after my confirmations, she said my number has been canceled and that new cards were on the way.

That's so cool!

I couldn't get her to tell me why my number had been canceled. She wouldn't tell me how my card had been compromised and what purchases had triggered security. But, she's sending my new cards and a statement where I can verify and decline purchases from yesterday. Dang, I should've purchased a fucking car or gone nuts at the Apple store or something. I'm so interested in what my thieves and hackers bought. I bet the cads won't even send me a thank you card. Asshole thieves and hackers or whatever!

The customer service with Citi has always been great. The only hitch was she was all, "...your new cards should arrive in 7-10 days." Ha-ha. No! I was like, "Listen, that's not gonna work. I don't make cash transactions. I use this card. If you're killing this number I need a new card now." She's overnighting 'em. Thanks!

Best is that I was just about to call Citi to get my card replaced. It's all worn out and kinda dirty. Here's what really cool. The old Diamond Preferred Rewards (the one I have) is a reflective-mirror silver kind of special. The new ones are black with like a gridiron pattern or something kind of special. Tough and masculine and black like Barack Obama. Kind of like the AMEX black deal.

Funny this just happened since I just read a fascinating piece in the newest New Yorker [Sept. 1 issue]. The piece--which is not online--appears under, "Annals of Retail" and is titled, "Stop Thief! Shoplifter Beware." Good stuff about roving bands or organized shoplifters and credit card larcenists and the huge corporate and consulting world of counter shrink. Good shit. Just read it yesterday. Much recommended.