Michelle Obama "nailed it."Yawn.
Hillary Clinton "hit it out of the park."
Joe Biden wept.
Mark Warner implored.
Unity!
I remember when I was a child and certain things just seemed to be important. I can now see that some things were actually important, or at least what I would now call interesting adult filters. But most events weren't important or interesting and could have never happened and we would still exist as a species. Perhaps it was the grandeur of certain things that made them appear to be important. Children, even myself, are quite naive I suppose.
Political conventions. Oy! Let me say this here and now: Presidential conventions are lame as hell, dude. They are, sticking to topic, hugely uninteresting and ultimately they are not very important. The Democratic National Convention 2008 is not the exception. Sorry. Historic? Whatever. Same old bullshit if you ask me. Hot air 'n lies inside. Police beat-downs outside. God bless America! Every time I tune in on the TeeVee and see this garbage I want to die. Seriously.
- The '72 Olympics were interesting. Important? Sure, I'll give '72 that.
- Watergate was interesting and it turned out to be kind of important.
- High school graduations are not important or interesting.
- College graduations smell of importance but are generally uninteresting.
- Funerals are interesting but really unimportant.
- Weddings are neither. OK, some weddings can be interesting.
- Although grand, Miss America pageants are neither important nor interesting.
- Rock festivals can be interesting but they are never important (sorry Cal Jam II).
- Reagan getting shot was interesting and important.
- Space Shuttle blowing up was wildly interesting but not really that important.
- The World Series can be interesting but is never important.
- The Superbowl is never interesting or important (NFL playoffs are important and interesting though).
- The NBA Finals were important when I was like 16-years-old.
- Sex is really important and usually quite interesting.
- Most music is interesting. Some music is important.
- Presidential conventions....
If you think this shit is interesting or important, you're fooling yourself. In this day and age the conventions are just hell-pits of precision-scripted pretense, fantasy, and light shows. The Teleprompter reading is worse than that at the Academy Awards. If the Pepsi Center was a person for five days it would be...uh, it would be...Joe Biden, in fact. What did my wife call the conventions, oh yeah, "A veritable parade of has-beens and wannabes." (Damn if I wish I had thought of that line; I added "veritable" to one-up the line and to show how smart I am since "veritable" is often used to emphasize the aptness of a metaphor). Federico Pena? Wow! Hurray for sucking up to the Hispanic-Latino demographic. Hurray for Federico Pena!
I mean people--after 16 months of campaigning--still need to be convinced whom to vote for? Really? Am I so mentally ill that I actually believe people (no matter what they say) have already and long ago made up their minds? Couldn't the nomination part be accomplished during a 20-minute video conference call around 11:00 (then break for catered lunch)? The entire "convention" expense could be like $300. But I suppose as residual of our British roots, Americans are suckers for pageantry (Miss America!). The rest of the money could be used for "attack ads." Like I said, people still need to be convinced? Save the ad money too. If the DNC had any sense they'd just give the ad and convention money to voters. Duh!
Oh and this whole contrived talking point storyline invention (presumably introduced into the mix by the GOP) that the convention message is that the Democrats are desperate to frame their message of being unified and are anxious about Obama's experience. Huh? Why has the majority of the press taken this point to print? Oh, because the only entity more delusional than the Democrats is the mainstream info-news-tainment press. I forgot.
Let's see, as far as I remember, there are but two (2) viable political parties in the U.S. America. The Republicans and the Democrats. Right? And as far as I can tell, the two parties have stood pretty far apart on most issues since before I was born. So, I'd call each party "unified." You can vote for one of the unified parties or not.
And Barry's experience? Huh? Where's the bar for experience? It ain't so high. After eight years of the Bush II administration, we even need to discuss experience? Really? Because, dang, from what I can see all the president has to do is be able to salute, ride a mountain bike, and read from prepared text. I guess I'm as dumb an adult as I was a child. Experience? I guess Barry Oh!® should have taken that President of the United States job in college but he didn't want to pad his résumé too much. In retrospect, he should have taken it. Bad move, Barry. Bad move.
What else? Oh, the Hillary people. Were we really expecting a surprise? Hillary Clinton was going to hijack the convention and somehow steal the nomination. People were disappointed that she didn't? Wow. I'm amazed. [Do I sound a bit incredulous? Sorry.] Oh you're going to vote for McCain? Go ahead, this is America. You can vote for your pet hamster if you want.
What would Michelle Obama's message for America be? Who cares! She's not a candidate. Nether was Laura Bush, Teresa Heintz, nor Cindy McCain. They're just pill-popping lady friends with connections and money (OK, I don't think Laura has any money or connections, she's just a lady friend).
Ted Kennedy? Chappaquiddick. There's my immediate and automatic association. Liberal. There's the other. In fact when they were showing that "stirring" video montage of the Kennedys living the rich-folk high-life in walled, exclusive compounds, at black tie parties, and on
boats
yachts all I could think about and all I managed to mutter aloud was, "Man, John, Bobby, and Teddy were major pussy-hounds!"
These amazingly interesting and historically significant political conventions simply do not pass the "so what test." Nobody cares. It makes no difference. Just call it what it is: huge, expensive parties that you and I aren't invited to.
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"Wake up, America. Wake up, America. Wake up, America."
- Dennis Kucinich, August 26, 2008
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