It must be Tuesday Monday, Middlespace Cadets, because I'm answering your questions
Q: Dear Ty,I really didn't want to die. It was an accident. I just wanted to know how to ski. But what can I do now? Life is/was precious. But, I am/was a worldly person and understand that some people kill themselves. I didn't want to die but some people do. Just a fact.
But I was reading the interweb news this morning and now I wonder why people who do decide to kill themselves decide to commit suicide by hanging themselves? Latest case in point is Sylvia Plath's son. WTF? It seems like an awful way to go. I don't understand why you wouldn't pick some other method that's less brutal or ugly? That is, if you really want to die and stuff.
I mean, really, between sitting in your car and falling asleep vs. jumping off a table to break your neck, asphixiate (sp?) yourself, it just seems like a no-brainer (too soon for bad pun?) to me.
- 'Tasha Jane, Heaven
Ty: Good question and an even better observation, Spooky. And good pun even though it really is way too soon for that kind of joking (but that shit was funny and I didn't even get it at first).
Hey but on a serious tip, I'm really sorry you died and shit. That sucks, really. And rough way to go, sister. Seriously. You bump your noggin and think you've just bumped your noggin and...dang...*poof*! Intelligent design my ass. God shoulda put the brain a little lower in the center of gravity department. Physics are no good for the brain.
But, anyhow. Suicide is our topic today. Ahem...
Suicide is a chump game, people. You gotta be pretty low to off yourself by yourself (though I reserve the right to do it as an elderly with no hope but the tray washing job at the mall). And like you said, 'Tasha Jane, I get it too. We've all been low at a time. But you have to reach a particular threshold to kill yourself. Or you have to be Japanese. Shit, the Japanese kill themselves like crazy (see: detergent suicide). If there's even a forecast for a giant robot or lizard monster to destroy your Japanese city you'll get like 80...85 suicides just from a forecast. WTF, Japanese people? See what the tide brings first. That's my advice.
Yeah, shooting yourself in the head, although more difficult than most people realize ("the head is a sphere" says the Grayman), is particularly lethal and quick. Jumping from the World Trade Center is definitely lethal, but the ride down must be something crazy. Let's see...those are the quickies I can think of. Oh, jumping in front of trains. Just selfish making people late for work.
Then there's carbon monoxide. Lethal and peaceful, I guess. Pills? Not as effective or easy as some realize. Cutting? Bleh! And, yeah, there's hanging?
To hang yourself, you're putting your Personal Suicide Convenience behind the Important Statement you're leaving behind. To hang yourself you're saying, "Hey look at me! I just killed myself and it's probably because of you!" You're just being a dick when you hang yourself (unless you're in prison and have no other real means to do it). You're being a suicide dick. Think about the people who love you all finding you hanging with a blue face and eyes bulging and bleeding. You're just being a suicide asshole! Even Debbie Palfrey wanted to be all, "See what you Federal Prosecuters made me do!"
People. Trust me (and trust the ghosts of famous actresses from all time), don't hang yourself. It's ugly, it's brutal, and it's just plain mean. If you want to make a statement that somebody has somehow wronged you somewhere, get a nasty tattoo on your face or breast implants or drive a Chevy. Fuck date a black if you really hate your daddy. But don't hang yourself.
Seriously.
Just a guess,
-ty
P.S. What they got up there, a T-1 line? And it's spelled, "a-s-p-h-y-x-i-a-t-e."
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