It must be
You know how every time it snows conservative fucknuts start claiming there's no such thing as global warming and you want to punch them in the face like the jagoffs they are?Ty: Good question and an even better observation, GH/GH. Oh, I absolutely do know that drill and it kills me with a thousand cuts. We get a 40ยบ Atlanta day in June and all science is suddenly and automatically null and void. It snows in Denver in late August and Matt Drudge has that stupid spinning red light thing going with some dumb ass "BREAKING" headline.
Is it equally as appropriate to punch people in the face who bring up global warming every time the temperature exceeds 85 degrees?
Sincerely,
It's Not the Global Heat, It's the Global Humidity
Albert Gore, Jr. weeps upon Tipper's bosom.
And I mention Matt Drudge because he's the very worst at the anti-global warming science overhype thing...and everything else. Everything. Matt Drudge is indeed the very worst at everything. The end.
See?But GH/GH, it's 2009 and we already know that the conservative movement, at least for now, is completely (and comically) dead. Worse, it's just uncool to be conservative right now. Just as people were considered insane for identifying themselves as liberal in 2002 (I did), you're pretty much a homeless AIDS leper with B.O. who still uses Vista if anyone finds out you're conservative. Conservatives believe that Matt Drudge is intelligent. Conservatives are still buying Hummers. The science backs all of that up. Have faith, believers.
So, yah, you really do want to punch the global warming nay-sayers in their pasty, pudgy faces "like the jagoffs they are" when they misinterpret the absolute BASICS of weather patterns and seasonal transition and actually think/say things like global warming is a myth because there is frost on a pumpkin. But conservatives do shiver with fright because the End Times are-a-comin' with locusts, plagues, and Jews everywhere. STFU!
But, and to the topic, likewise it is annoying as fuck that there are people who think/say that WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE when the obvious solution to their immediate woes is that they put on a pair of shorts and drink a Coke. It's 2009, we already invented science. Just because you sweat through a T-shirt does not mean that the polar bears are dying and you need to start using Seventh Generation products even though they do not work. Grow up and STFU, hippies!
Hence it is equally as appropriate (and very important) to punch people in the face who bring up global warming every time the temperature exceeds 85 degrees. Fair is fair.
But it is the eve of Earth Day and I have some concerns to air [tldr warning here]. I think we need to look carefully at what we're doing anymore, as a planet working together for common goals.
I have some problems with the whole green/Earth movement.
It's exclusionary: Martians and Venusians should immediately protest their exclusion form Earth Day. I mean Rodney King was like so '92. Can't we just get along, carbon-based life forms! Earth Day? Really? Why not Universe Day, huh? Milky Way Day? OK? Racist, homophobic, sexist, xenophobic, Earth-only NIMBY assholes need a punch in the face too.
Science is pending: What if researchers discover that all the green ink used for all the "green" marketing is the most environmentally toxic substance since agent orange? You saw Sleeper, right? "Yeah but bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste good." In 2030 you can tell you drooling adult day care zombie children that at least you recycled every Tuesday.
People just don't get it: Californians tweeting "it's hot" over and fucking over increases greenhouse gasses by 60% because electricity ain't without a carbon footprint. Printing the Freecycle flyers left on my stoop kills the indigenous tribes of Brazil.
Misleading our children: I nearly broke the copy machine (electricity) at my kid's school making Earth Day flyers (paper) and lesson plans. The rain forest weeps. I have a tumor from copy toner because we need to teach our children the VALUE of the bald eagle or some nonsense. You know how much time it takes to cut up those plastic six-pack rings? Paper bags totally suck now and I always forget my stinky hemp reusable bags. Oy! Paper or plastic? Urine or beer, OK?
What do we really know? There is never a right and there's no absolute wrong.* Maybe the global warming doomsayers are wrong. Maybe if I have to wear a jacket in May global warming is a hoax like the space landing and the election of a black president. Maybe I'm actually a conservative after all? That's so American!
Ha-ha! It's so funny thinking about driving a Chevy or drinking Budweiser I just can't continue.
-ty
* Hitler is the exclusion.
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