Fr: rhymes with Picky Towel
Re: Ask Ty...April 21
To the Conservatives:
To paraphrase a wise man whose name rhymes with Knob Bigger: It’s called science and it fucking works, people.
To the Liberals (Full disclosure, I am one. Worse yet, I am a professional environmentalist):
Here’s what is wrong with Liberals. A recent exchange on a website that rhymes with Race Hook went like so.
Status: Why is it so HOT?
Reply: It’s called global warming. Start driving your hybrid more!
Dear Reply, I hope to God you’re not a medical doctor. Not only did you botch the diagnosis (its called weather, and it varies), you completely fucked the prescription. Unless I missed the headline that the 2009 Prius REVERSES global warming, I don’t think driving your hybrid MORE is going to help the situation.
This characterizes the problem with the liberal American approach to environmental problems. It assumes that if you use a different laundry detergent you will solve the world’s problems.
For this I blame Al Gore, who nailed the problem description section of his movie, but phoned in the solution. Buy new appliances and we’ll roll back greenhouse gasses to 1992 levels! Like we weren’t fucked then!
Don’t worry folks! We can consume our way out of this problem! It’s the American solution to everything! Terrorists got you down! Go to the mall! Economy sucks? Buy a new American car! Global warming a drag? Replace all your appliances, cleaning supplies, and underwear!
You want to really contribute to solving global warming? Start your own hippie Jonestown.
Here’s my take on global warming backed up by exactly ZERO research and informed only by an intuitive sense of how the world works and the conviction that I’m always right.
We’re doomed. Ask the dinosaurs. Ask any pine tree that grows in open sunlight and then destroys the very condition that created it by shading the ground below it.
Doomed.
All we can do is moderate the speed at which we descend into hell.
We bought the ticket thousands of years ago. Enjoy the ride.
"Well, the truth is, Brian, we can't solve global warming because I fucking changed light bulbs in my house."
- rhymes with I Sock Yo Mama
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