So here we are, Cadets. Again. It seems we're always at a precipice of some sort in this life. Like Roseanne Roseannadanna always said, "It's always something." Am I right brothers and sisters? If I am the righteous let me hear you say, "Amen!" [congregation says, "Amen!"]I know people are distracted and scattered. There's a lot going on in these modern times. Just this week there was some yankee election somewhere that people got all crybaby over. Some Brown guy won. I guess the browns are on a roll of sorts. Can I hear an amen for Barack and all the browns?! [congregation says, "Amen!"]
I understand that the pressure released in a tectonic fault in the Caribbean ocean; bad stuff made worse from what I hear. But the PC do-gooders all over America are--right now--collecting winter coats and battery-powered toys for the dirt-poor of New Orleans (at least for another two days). I can hear it. I hear it clearly in my ears. I hear "We Are The World" in my ears brothers and sisters! [congregation says, "Amen!"]
Also, I heard that the Supreme Court of America opened the spigots for a bunch of future political "Attack Advertising" on TeeVee and in mailings that I'm not going to pay any attention to that goodness for TiVo. So what, who's influenced by a damn ad anymore? Ain't we given up on that method of influence yet? Who does that even work on, people? Who is that ignorant?! [congregation says, "Amen!"]
And the topper of all toppers of ALL TOPPERS of Important News of America in this year of our lord: Jay Leno vs. Conan O'Brien; a nation taking sides like red states and blue states, like Verizon and AT&T, like Apple and PC, Coke/Pepsi, Starbucks/KFC, Toyota/Mattel. CAN'T WE ALL GET ALONG?! AMEN! CAN'T WE GET ALONG LIKE BROTHA RODNEY SAID?! [congregation says, "Amen!"]
Anyway, enough of that tiresome, worldly propaganda ruining our precious minds and spirits. Let us now talk about what's on MY mind and in my spirit because that's why we are here. Can I get an, "Amen" brothers and sisters? [congregation says, "Amen!"] Can I get an "Amen" people? [congregation shouts, "Amen!"]
And damn if it's not another three-day damn weekend for your hard-working good-reverend. Two weeks in a row, brothers and sisters. Don't get me wrong because I love my family and my friends but I'm getting no long-term traction on my very important arty projects with all the short weeks and secular physician visits and auto-mobile main-ten-ance. Hell, people, I still have to schedule the MRI for my wrist that my insurance is paying for and take my car in for warranty repairs. I mean what good is a four-year warranty if stuff actually breaks?
Here are some million dollar ideas that just came to me: Can't they come pick the cars up and leave a rental and return my car clean, repaired, and seats warm so I don't have to? I mean what is this world coming to, Cadets? Speaking of which, how come there's not a mobile MRI van or some shit to come do some magnetic resonance imaging at my house and leave me alone? That would rock like Spock (Nanu-nanu). [congregation says, "Amen!" a woman faints]
So much to do but this weather's too bad for some of the outside stuff I wanted to do. The doctors asking me if I get outside because I have no vitamin D stores. Now I'm on prescription vitamin D that my insurance paid for. It's raining, people! There is no outside. I'm stuck inside, so you're stuck with this arty nonsense. I mean if I had some time, space, and money (and talent and ambition) I would be rich and famous! So rich and famous I'd do nothing but sit around and do arty projects for my own amusement and weird pathological desires. It ain't easy being me brothers and sisters. Bring on the spring. Bring on the spring and the global warming. It's only 34º outside. Can I get an "Amen?" [congregation says, "Amen!"]
So much in progress. So much ahead. So many people now involved. Amen! [congregation says, "Amen!"] Amen! [congregation says, "Amen!" the choir sings and plays tambourines]
On the Homie Father side of the shop I still have to write about play dates, goody bags, and participant trophies. I could go on and on and on. Maybe I'll merge all that into one post. I mean, what is a Play Date? Is it like a pretend or practice date? I could have used some practice dating in my younger days, amen! [congregation says, "Amen!"] Goody (or "goodie") bags? Jesus, people. It's now ultra-competitive. I wouldn't be surprised if in a couple of years a so-called goody bag wasn't simply a plastic bag filled with a fistful of $20 bills (y'all) and a note that says, "top this, bitches!" And the worst of all time: participant trophies. Hurray I got 27th place out of 25 participants so we're all winners! Why is Emily so disappointed with a B-minus? Why is she so upset? I'm looking at the deacons for an amen, y'all. [congregation says, "Amen!"]
It ain't easy, people. IT AIN'T EASY! [congregation says, "Amen!"] YOU BE ME IF YOU THINK IT'S SO GOD-DAMN EASY! [congregation shouts, "Amen!"]
I have a backlog of huge and incredible projects pending omens and cosmos and starting guns. It. Ain't. Easy. Amen! [congregation shouts, "Amen!"]. You make videos. You discover America. You take the photos. It ain't easy.
America is waiting for us. But we don't wait for America. We are America. We are the world!
Bless. What?! [congregation shouts, "Amen!" people speak in tongues and bring out snakes]
Rejoice, people, rejoice.
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