Q: How well do we know ourselves?How well do I know myself? Not physical or personality traits, but essence and being. Do we even have words to describe what we know in this regard when we distill to simple representations? Not where we work or where we live or charming smiles.
What do we know? Nothing.
How well do you know yourself? Maybe even a better question is, do you know yourself at all? Separate what you believe you know from what you actually know. Not tendencies or preferences or the type of politics in which we subscribe.
But what we know. Nothing.
Because for all the This Is Me bravado I've spewed in a lifetime, I occasionally paint myself into thought-corners where I'm like, "oh shit, who the fuck am I anyway?" It's like a flicker of light in the darkness of nightmares where I think I have it all figured and can somehow save myself this time and then I realize, scio me nihil scire!
The one thing I can count on actually knowing, is that I know significantly nothing. And the unbearable realization is that I will never, ever, ever-in-a-million-years satisfy the particular pursuit of knowledge and curiosity. That defies logic, physics, and the time-space continuum.
The older I get and the more experience I gain, the one constant realized is that the rate of questions I have outpaces the answers by far. This differential applies not only to the external world but, I now realize, applies to the self as well.
How many people have actually invested resources in getting their own ideals and beliefs straight? I'm talking about serious introspection, self-knowledge, or a pure unencumbered awareness (Jnana). Self-realization but without all of the Paramahansa's rules [I remember reading that Yogananda shit in high school thinking I get it but why can't I do it my own damn way?]. Awareness and personal harmony without all the yoga and meditation and the "conceptual constraints" that come with that.
What you think you are may not be exactly what you actually live. How does one reconcile that?
Why is this important anyway? I guess if that's the question it doesn't really matter then.
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